-cough- title? wha?

  • Oct14/08 01:13:53
  • Listening To Red Dragon Tattoo- Fountains of Wayne
  • Feeling content
  • Smoking a very nice bowl
[Woot Kune]

so I'm sitting on the deck, enjoying a bowl on the back deck on this, a cool autumn night. stars and moon are out. sirens on canton but I'm thinking more about that X-Files episode Je Souhaite. the one with the genie, you remember. the one with the wishes that backfired in a manner not too terribly unlike a sadistic Dungeons and Dragons game master would have them. And so thinking, with bowl in paw I wonder what I would wish for. nothing I really want. a crown royal bag of jamaican homegrown that never ran out would be nice but I can't think of anything really beyond that. I'd be too afraid of screwing up existance as we know it. but I asked a friend what he would wish for. As the cursor on the screen blinked, I waited for his reply, queing up other stuff to watch. Finally it came: 'I'd wish to be furry. lolz' perfect! fantastic idea! or is it?


you'd essentially become the beastman incarnate walking into the chinese restaurant for some moo goo gai pan and the place would flip its shit and very quickly become a scene from an eastern sci fi flick. no one knows whats going on but it has to be weird. you'd be hunted and studied until the scientists were satisfied. you'd pack your insides back into your poked and prodded torso and limp home to live a life of uncertain terror. that's a little horrible. how about if the world accepted your new animal visage?

'is that Steve the badger kid?'

'I don't know too many bipedal badgers who like doritos and grand theft auto so it must be.'

'why lets go say how do!'

'I don't think that's a good idea. Steve kinda smells.'

'On account he's a badger?"

'No. On account of him eating doritos and playing grand theft auto all day.'


perhaps a criminal spree by said real life furry? news paper headline reads: Masked Wolfman Loose On City Streets: No Stripclub is safe!  Witness said he 'was hairy. hairy all over and hung like a (deleted expletive) donkey.' one semen covered victim had this to say: 'blub, burble, bubble'. 

police would be scrambling after him with information like this:  Bullets are useless against him. Officer Dunkin Donuts says he's got a force field like in some anime I've never heard of. He seems to pull military grade weapons out of thin air. We're not sure how to stop him but this government guy says he's going to use a sheep costume to lure him into the open.

could you live a normal life? maybe, somewhere. but there's no way you'd make it here in Georgia. Teddy the poofta gay fox boy went into the QT for some smokes, wine coolers and rubbers and gets blown away while recieving his change. no worries! the guy who shot him had a lisence and was under his limit for fox that season. biggest damn fox on record I'll tell you what! 

what if the wish was for the whole world to be furry? would you wake up one morning and see in the mirror what you saw on the screen when you played Second Life? What about that sixteen year old kid who liked to get on the muck and pretend to be an eight year old calf who desired nothing more in the world to be milked by a naughty farmer with a big cock. would he wake up in the barnyard covered in brown and white spots, strange machines most likely invented by german gynecological doctors hooked into his nipples and his ass full of the cock of a slack jawed mutt breed dog who got up that morning to get some breakfast with a side of beastiality? heh, I admit I've done my share of running D&D and dealing with wishes. but how about this:  the whoe world gets a furry make-over? one morning you wake up and look in the mirror to brush your hair before getting a poptart before class starts and you look like the bastard child of anime and disney in full prisma color! what happens then?

 I think people would flip. there isn't enough weed and benzos to calm that kind of insanity. you wake up one day and you look entirely different. but you're okay with it right now. the artist who gifted that art to you got it pretty damn close and you're happy about it. the rest of the people however aren't really thrilled with the idea of waking up and being a panda or lizard or dragon or mouse. chaos ensues! kinda like 28 Days Later with less eating each other. just utter anarchy. but after a while people would settle into the idea that they're actually okay. abd get back to normal life. kinda.

How about the American front on its own? after The Great Devolution as it was being called thousands of subcouncils for every kind of political creature there is sprung up. The Foxes Who Like Soxes Coalition East and The Libertine Furries for Cub Law Reform. The paperwork from all these groups alone would east up a forest like the Tunguska incident. They'd take it to the web though. Furries have more computer storage ability than NASA. New laws would have to come into being. How does age-play-calf-boy feel that his more feral(that is, non-anthropomorphic) cousins are being routinely killed so they can be used for sausage and their bones compressed into big macs? peta might actually be only something. only in a mad world like one full of humanoid animals could peta even begin to make a stitch of sense. but you remember the time Jimmy the ferret went free after 'hiding' every jewel and roll of aluminum foil in the city? and 'the wolfman' from earlier went to jail on assault charges but will remain out of a mental hospital after killing and eating portions of his deer variety victim. 

Sales of vacuums and air filters would go up as the shedding would eventually become a hurricane of sneezy itchy doom. And those poor people who were allergic to fur before the change. I'm afraid there wasn't enough epinephrine to save them all.  The painful realization would come were we would notice (much to my horror and your's I'm sure) that stockings aren't nearly as sexy anymore and its more uncomfortable than we had initially thought to get whipped cream in our fur. claw trimming. new vaccines for a host of diseases that were before only a threat to our four legged friends. special shampoos to prevent the madness of fleas. How long do you link it would take you to dry off after a shower? 

 a lot of the stuff we see in art can't possibly be real but we enjoy it freely with suspension of disbelief and a healthy dose of hormone fueled imagination. its what some of us wish was real.

what would you wish for if you could?