SO.BAKED.

i haven't been this fucked up since i binge drank that whole night. anyway

i  had this plan. part of it was to get away from my parents. i live with them [i pay rent - it's an apartment situation] but i still don't feel i have the autonomy i need to be a furry/smoker/gamer/general nut. i can never really dis-robe the normie. aaaaaand it's killing me

so, everything was going well...but suddenly my girl gets cold feet. all it took was one seed of possible turbulence, like grooved pavement. a moment of discomfort ((but worth it for the smooth sailing ahead..?))OK. tbh it was her whole tax refund. but...i already gave mine up for house and vehicle responsibilities.

i got these same--gross feelings. non-committal? i thought that was my thing.  i can't call her selfish. i want these really grown up things from her, and time and time again...she proves she can't handle it.

still, it might have been a cockamamie scheme, i just wanted her to beleieve in me. the chances of me pulling the trigger on this were slim. too many variables. 

will she ever really trust my judgement? or is it always gonna be swayed by any hater and nay sayer